Ideally, you want to hit 100% of the shots that you take in life. It's that moment when you know you've put your entire heart and soul into something. Courage takes over. Your palms are sweating a little bit, but you know that it is the right thing to do. God has guided you to this very opportunity. The pencil is in hand. The time to train, the time to analyze has concluded. Be careful not to misstep. Don't think about mistakes. You can't imagine failing or her saying "no." Get the thought of failure out of your head. Now you can't stop thinking about it. The time comes to perform, and...
It's a complete wash. She told you "no" after you worked up the courage to ask her on a date. You didn't use the right form to push a 275 pound barbell off of your body. The test you just took might as well have been in Arabic, and you would have understood just as much of it. You started to stutter during the presentation, and you lost your nerve. Everything starts to crash upon you, and no one is around to help. You walk briskly to your apartment, sit down on your bed or couch, close your eyes, and...
You don't cry. Crying hasn't been part of your game since Little League. You sit down and think a moment. Maybe you stand up and pace around. Failure isn't an everyday occurrence for you, and most times it isn't an option. You don't call anyone: no one understands you right now. Suddenly, deep in thought, you encounter all of the ways that it could have gone wrong, and you find your faults. Was it just that you were inadequate? Did something go wrong with implementation? Was it just bad luck? Maybe bad timing? Maybe now it's time to talk to someone. But to whom...? Who will understand...?
I really hate failure. Always have, always will. I've gotten so far in my life up to this point, and it's hard to talk about the times when I made a decision that didn't pan out well. Some of the greatest pictures, experiences and sensations of my life came from the time right before the moment of failure. Do I expect to succeed every time? No, but I want to succeed where I've put forth the most effort, and am not fazed by failure in the places where I haven't. The worst is when I think I've got it in the bag, and something comes along and pulls the rug out from under me. Spontaneity is not a favorite of mine, and the frequent curve balls of life today add gray hair quicker to my head than the first 23 years combined.
But if we hate failure so much, what makes us get back up on the horse and try again? Is it because we are compelled by our peers, or because we really think we have a chance? Do we actually learn from failure? If so, what are its lessons? What happens if we don't learn from these lessons? To what extent should we insure a decision that we think might fail?
We try to do things that sometimes seem out of reach because we can't bear the thought of not having tried. I can't bear the thought of skipping class even though I'm already late, because I will spend the entire day thinking "what if?" I can't imagine not trying to bench press some weight that I might fail at because then I won't really know what my maximum is, and where I could go to further my progress. I ask the girl out because a "no" is still better than beating myself up over someone I really wanted who could have been a "yes." Why, then, do we accept the failure and move on?
Failure isn't the end; rather, it's a beginning. It's a beginning of the understanding of our limitations. From there, we find ways to make progress. This is where I meet "The Great One" and his philosophy on trying: yes, I didn't score a goal this time around, and there are probably myriad reasons why I failed. But there is no in quitting where our hearts are set. Our hearts will heal if it wasn't meant to be, but only we are the ones who can find that out. Never let anyone tell you that you will fail, and then believe them. Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "No one can make me feel inferior without my own consent." Consent to fail, and there's no beginning. There is only despair.
For tomorrow, think of a time in your life when you failed. Take five minutes of your day and really think about that failure. Ask yourself questions from this blog, or something that you made up yourself. Don't take it as a time to beat yourself up, especially if you've already resolved it and moved on. Rather, if that failure is resolved, what did you learn from it? Do you know someone else who is going through the same thing? Share it with that person. Use the "feel, felt, found, find" method:
- I understand how you feel (after, obviously, listening to them)
- Here is how I felt in a similar situation (hardest part; make sure you've truly internalized the other person's problem)
- This is what I found (you overcame your failure; now it's your turn to help someone overcome theirs)
- Here's what I think you will find (not assuming too much about this person; rather, show them that there's hope in their life)
Use your acceptance of failure to provide a brick or two of your life to help someone else repair of theirs. Take care, everyone.
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