The Longest Twenty-Minute Run of My Life (and what I plan to do about it)

One of the hardest parts about being heavy is resisting the urge to just lay around and eat.  It's so much easier to watch SportsCenter over Honey Nut Cheerios and milk than to take a walk up to the gym any given morning.  Nonetheless, I've been losing weight lately and have been drinking lots of water, so I decided to work out Thursday morning.  I lifted just a little bit, then decided it was cardio time and hit the treadmill.  Safe to say, afterwards I wanted to die.   Let me highlight three major mistakes:

#1.  I assumed that I would run exactly what I could on the treadmill in early August, the last time I went to the gym (7.2 miles per hour, 2.0 degree incline, 20 minutes).

#2.  I agonized at each passing second, watching the treadmill clock the entire time creep to 20 minutes.  Never did I ever focus on anything other than that clock.

#3.  I neither stretched seriously nor did a little warm-up jog to gauge my heart/lungs.

While all seem silly to any serious athlete, I had this weird fixation Thursday morning nonetheless that I could simply pick up where I left off towards the beginning of August.  I have always been staunchly against using music when I exercise, trying to focus more on the mental exercise of staying motivated.  Normally I use vivid memories of football and wrestling practice to push me through a particularly difficult day, but Thursday morning just would not translate into results.  It's funny, above all, what actually was running through my head:  as my breaths got shorter and legs more like Jell-O, all I could think about were all the pizza and pasta I have eaten and the beer I have consumed.

Aside from memories of coaches screaming at me, I have to go back to the mindset of making my own "tackling fuel."  For those of you who have artfully dodged watching The Waterboy the past 15 years, observe:

Visualize and attack!

If I'm going to burn off the 25 pounds left that I want to drop before Christmas, it's going to take a lot of cardio training and proper eating.  I think I can handle the eating part (more eggs, less flour, for example), but I'm going to have to turn it around in the gym.  Finding my inner tackling fuel will also be a must, but that will come with greater concentration.  Now, for some goals, I'm proposing five must-do's from now on:

#1.  I will skip rope at least 1000 times per gym visit, whether in sets of 100 or 200.

#2.  Each successive day, I will run at my normal pace for two minutes more, settling on 20 minutes.

#3.  I will work in one-minute sets of burpees and mountain climbers, done between sets of jump rope.

#4.  If I fail on the treadmill, I will still run for 20 minutes, backing off the speed for some time while increasing the incline to build my legs.

#5.  I will start a small core strength regimen, experimenting with different techniques until I find a suitable one to complement my running.

For those of you who find yourselves in the same rut I found myself in on Thursday, it's time to find your "tackling fuel."  For some people, it's their gym playlist.  For others, it's the prospect of being teased for years about their weight.  Yet for others, it's the desire to reclaim a level of fitness that they had in the past.  Wherever you find your inspiration, promise yourself to go a little harder in your training either tomorrow or the next day.  For those of you still stumped, try this video on for size:

"You've got to want success as bad as you want to breathe..."

In the end, it's you who has to want it.  We can all party and do what we like any given day, but we weigh it against the opportunity to complete something we've left to the back burner.  I've chosen this semester that work and self-improvement are more important goals than they were the last, and I refuse to let things get in my way.  I hope and pray that I maintain this mentality, but it's a good habit I have to ingrain within myself.  I welcome any suggestions to help me with this transition, or even a simple workout tip.  I'll update you on my weight and workouts on Monday, when I do my weekly weigh-in.

Tough Love: Ten Questions for the "Nice Guys Finish Last" Crowd

Disclaimer:  I do not claim to be a dating expert.  I haven't had a girlfriend in over a year, and the prospects aren't looking too bright for the next couple months.  I have dated in the past, with good and bad experiences following from each girlfriend.  I'm not the most successful man when it comes to "pick-ups" (getting phone numbers, dancing, maybe a kiss during/afterwards), but I'm also not the least successful.  I am also a straight man, which means that my critique applies mostly to straight men.  However, I'm sure there are parallels to any kind of dating.  Enjoy.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard from one of my friends (or friends of friends) that "nice guys finish last," I would not have considered the economic incentive to start a blog.  It is an ubiquitous cliché that almost always shows more the shortsightedness of the aforementioned whiners than those whom they are whining about.  The problem is always her, they say:  women always want the proverbial "bad boy" that they can tame, right?  Women always pick "The Situation" over the sensitive poet/musician/artist type, right?  You're starting to see the logic unravel slowly, I hope... which is why you then ask yourself, "Are all women stupid?"  I kid, I kid...

A wise friend (with a gorgeous girlfriend who I also love to death, I should add) once told me that anyone can be nice; the trick, however, is to make yourself attractive by going beyond being nice.  It's also not a static process, but rather a dynamic one that takes (wait for it...) work over time.  That's why I compiled a list of ten questions any guy should ask himself before he reaches for the victim lever after a break-up or rejection.  I'll add small commentaries to each one.

1.  Do all "nice" guys finish last?
It can't possibly be that every nice guy who you know has this problem.  Think of every nice guy in your life, friend or not.  Do any of them have girlfriends?  Out of the ones who do:  are their girlfriends great?  Do you think that any of them are being given the shaft, on account of being "too nice?"  Maybe there are other attributes to your friends that make them special, in the eyes of their significant others.  I have to hit on it again, as I mentioned in the introduction:  you've got to go beyond nice.  Nice is good, but it's not the catch-all solution to your problems.  Be you (if that you is nice, great), but find a new secret.  

2.  Are you really a "nice" guy?

This question used to always follow with an automatic "yes," but it didn't really dawn on me in the past to ask.  I've been rejected, passed over, and dumped in my life, and each time I thought I was the nice guy compared to whomever took the so-called girl of my dreams.  This question doesn't take a month's worth of Facebook or LinkedIn research:  it's entirely up to you to analyze yourself.  Ask yourself the last time you did anything nice for anyone.  Then ask yourself the last time you did something nice for your ex/any girl.  If you're still convinced that the answer to question 1 is "yes," ok.  We continue...

3.  What makes/made you special to your ex/any girl?

Ninety-nine chances out of a hundred, it's not your awesome shampoo...

I demand to know the last time any girl who a man dated/plan to date said that they were interested because the man was "just so nice."  If you found ways to make her happy in the past, and they've since gone stale, that's on you.  If you can't attract a woman by any means of anything, maybe you're just a bit boring and need to find a new hobby.  Even a**holes have hobbies:  girls don't just walk up to them out of sheer interest, on most occasions.

4.  What actually makes you "attractive" to anyone?
This question does not attack anyone's self-worth (girlfriend or not, you should have a healthy dose of self-worth), but rather asks how you define yourself as different from, say, the meat head next door.  Are you an artist?  Better question:  are you a good artist?  Are you a writer?  Better question:  do you actually grab people's attention, or did you mean that "yes" in an "I-get-A's-in-school-get-off-me-bro" sort of way?  Are you in good shape?  I actually took to heart a quote I once read, which (poorly paraphrased) asked if guys expect to date supermodels, shouldn't they too look appropriate to pose for Calvin Klein?  Attraction is a two-way street:  if you're losing out, all hope is not lost.  Moving on...

5.  Is there any way I can make myself better?

Even he found the motivation to smash the crap out of a printer, some significant physical exercise.

Part of the reason I'm compiling a blog is because I ask myself this question every day, dating or not.  Unless you've exerted yourself to the point that any more personal growth activities will cause you to have a stroke, listen to this question.  Did you really give the last woman in your life your best effort?  I don't care if you don't think she did:  if life were fair like that, we wouldn't be having this conversation.  Could you afford to read a book from time to time?  Work out a couple times a week?  Eat healthier?  Dress a little better?  Help people less privileged than you?  These questions are not difficult to answer:  the problem is that many don't like the answers.

6.  What are your standards these days?
Never would I recommend that a guy "settles" for someone less appropriate than what he wants.  People who settle only end up being unhappy in the long run, and there's a very good chance you (or your significant other) will refer to #2 to find out where things went wrong.  That being said, ask yourself why you think you need to date a girl who looks like Kate Upton.  Why does she have to be good at the guitar?  Why should she be an outstanding volleyball player?  Why does she have to be able to catch your attention at lunch, as you stare off at other girls?  A helpful exercise would be to reverse roles on this one... again, the answers may be surprising to you.

7.  Do you expect girls to walk up to you and introduce themselves?
This question may die with the overconfident-yet-socially-awkward types, but normal frustrated, single guys really should take inventory of how many times they have initiated conversation with a girl in the past month.  I used to be the kind of guy who adhered to a herd mentality:  I would meet girls within groups of both guys and girls, away from the pressure of doing so in a bar.  Over time, as I discovered that it just didn't work, I tried to break from the pack, and it worked... well, not nearly all the time, but far more than the old strategy.  Guys, take a risk:  go out and try to talk to girls.  What's the worst that could happen... she walks away?

8.  Do you share too much/too little about yourself?
"Nice" guys are known for their honesty.  I'm guilty of this one from time to time, where I shared things about myself that made girls entirely uncomfortable and unwilling to talk to me again.  While it is very important to talk about politics, religion, family and other sensitive issues in time, they can break a relationship if said too early.  People will disagree with me here, of course, and say that someone worth your time will welcome/embrace you no matter who you are or what you believe; excuse me, it's bunk.  There's a hierarchy of things to talk about with a potential significant other, ranging from light to the heaviest of heavy, and you've got to learn to gauge those sorts of things.

9.  Are you even meeting girls in the right place?

Embrace awkward.  It's still better than embracing nothing.

I kind of have to chuckle at the guys who think that they will meet their girlfriends/future wives in a bar, and then whine that they didn't have any luck there for reasons ranging from the "sausage fest" line to every girl there had a friend who got sick and had to go home.  Confidence goes a long way in a bar, or in any crowded social situation:  if you're not good at engaging people there, maybe it's time to try a new place.  Volunteer somewhere, and meet some new people; pick up a new activity at the gym; try some "speed dating," if you don't think you can talk to someone for the first time for long (just don't tell anyone that it's where you met her, if you're successful).  There are all kinds of places to meet new people:  broaden your horizons.

10.  With all this cynicism/pent-up anger, what are you going to do when you actually win?
No one likes a cynic.  Sure, they get plenty of laughs on Facebook when they cleverly debunk things that make people happy in life, but there will never be a good dating conversation had over how lonely/lost you were before you met said girl.  Girls also don't like to be told that their gender is a bunch of bitches (conversely, guys get bored of the "all-guys-are-pigs" line), and so it's not worth your time to sit and cry over relationships that didn't have a chance or girls with whom you simply blew it.  Again, anyone can be nice; it's really what you do after being nice that wins hearts.  Being angry and bitter even after you win is not going to help you:  time to find the off switch.

I'm not one for making guarantees, but if you take the time to ask yourself these questions after a break-up, a lonely night at the bar/club or an entire year of no luck whatsoever, you're going to turn your confidence around a lot quicker.  Put a little bit of swagger in your step, fight to make yourself better every day, and eventually dating will take care of itself.  Patience is a virtue, and so is self-improvement.  Finally, just be confident:  if you're too afraid to even swing the bat, how will you ever hit the ball?  That being said, it's Friday, and it's Labor Day weekend.  Go out and have a great time.  A more confident you will make a lot more people have a good time!

Tolle, Lege

(August 28, 2013; CNS/Reuters/Max Rossi)

I missed Pope Francis yesterday giving an address to the opening of the General Chapter of the Order of Saint Augustine in Rome, in which he called on Christians to be "restless for God" and that we should love each other "to the point of shedding tears."  I truly am in awe of our new Holy Father, who said Mass in Rio de Janeiro in front of 3.7 million people at Copacabana Beach at the close of World Youth Day in July.  He has found ways to appeal to young and old alike, not stepping on traditional toes while reaching out to moderate and progressive Catholics to capture their spirits of helping those less fortunate.  I admire the fusion he embodies in his background:  Argentine by birth, Italian by ethnicity, totally encapsulating the immigrant spirit of the Western Hemisphere.

Beautiful as it was, there is another kind of inspiration that I would like to pull from today:  the inspiration of St. Augustine himself.  For those of you who don't know, St. Augustine is a deeply revered figure in the intellectual tradition of the Church (we call them Doctors of the Church), and many Christian denominations beyond the Roman Catholic Church honor him in their respective calendars.  One of his principal works, City of God, is a socio-philosophical work still cited in Political Theory classes around the world, as it lays out a harsh critique of the Roman Empire and firmly establishes the difference between Rome and the ideal Christian society (the book can be found here).  Although the Roman Empire at the time had accepted Christianity as its state religion, St. Augustine pushed Christian intellectuals and leaders at the time to work closer to his ideal picture of a Civitate Dei.

St. Augustine's conversion to Christianity (although his mother, St. Monica, was Christian, his father was a pagan) involved a vision and a divine command, where a voice told him to "take up and read (Latin:  Tolle, Lege.)."  A teacher and intellectual pre-conversion, he then found inspiration and faith through a thorough reading of Scripture.  After baptism by St. Ambrose of Milan, Augustine became a priest, and then a bishop.  Until his death in AD 430, he fought tirelessly for the conversion of souls of the Diocese of Hippo, in modern-day Algeria.  Augustine's skills as a teacher and orator remain an important aspect of the Order of St. Augustine today, as its members (known colloquially as Augustinians) commit themselves to a religious life which focuses heavily on teaching.

I must apologize for abbreviating the life of this philosophical giant of the Roman Catholic Church, but I want to try to get to some sort of inspiration of the day.  I could go for paragraphs about his contributions to philosophy, theology, education, brewery culture, and beyond; however, I want to hit on something for today. Yesterday I called on readers to commit to "Learn.  Teach.  Inspire," and today certainly hits on all three of those once again.  If we truly wish to find truth in life, we must take St. Augustine's inspiration to heart.  We cannot find any sort of truth and happiness in arguing blindly over Facebook forums and water coolers:  that inspiration needs to come from a commitment to studies.  Whether in the university or out, religious or non-religious, child or adult, professor or burger flipper, nothing serves as a valid excuse to not pick up a book.  Your "call" in life does not need to be a conversion (though those are among the most profound!); however, you will find far more happiness in life if you are always seeking something.  "Tolle, Lege" may be the inspiration for today, but it should be the call for tomorrow, and the day after that as well.

Finally, a note about reading:  I came across a really great TED talk this morning while writing.  The speaker is Danny Brassell, dubbed "America's Leading Reading Ambassador," and he's speaking about getting people interested in reading.  While I hold that part of my job today is to get you interested in reading and study, I realize that in some cases I'm preaching to the choir.  If that is the case, your task today is to bring "Tolle, Lege" to another person.  They can be young, old, learned, dyslexic, American, Vietnamese, whatever:  the point is to inspire them to read.  Danny Brassell gives some great tips in the TED video.  Find what you like, and find what others like.  Read ten minutes a day, then read fifteen the next (if you have time).  Your search for truth and happiness will become that much more attainable if you start to navigate where exactly that will be.  Books are a great place to start.

Learn. Teach. Inspire.

In order for everything in my life to flow in the right direction, I have to be on top of things at all times.  Ever since the beginning of graduate school, I have balanced work and my studies in a way that works for now, but I always have to be aware of when I scheduled what.  At the same time, I also have to work in some hours for leisure (like to write this blog entry!).  How do I inspire myself?  What makes all the time and work I invest in my activities "worth it?"  

This semester I have some hard classes.  One reason I decided to only go with four is that I have my capstone course, heavily research-based and directed towards a master's thesis.  Secondly, I have other courses on which I want to lend extra focus, as they will be valuable for future studies and work.  The third reason is still up in the air, but I'm also in an advanced seminar that examines the politics and economics of counterinsurgency policies, a multifaceted study that integrates a lot of things I haven't even learned yet.  In doing so, there is a good chance that this 12-credit semester could be much harder than the 15-credit behemoth I had last semester.  In the end, should everything go as planned, I will have a much broader knowledge of things that will propel me into a rewarding career.

As many of you know, I work as an English teacher while getting my master's degree.  I teach English as a Second Language (ESL) for a company called Open English, which was founded in 2006 as a means to help young professionals who don't have time to access a traditional brick-and-mortar school.  I've been at this job for about a year now, and it has truly been a godsend, in terms of providing hours and wages to live a normal life.  At the same time, it's a job:  I have to figure out what my students are doing right and wrong in a very short window of time, and help them to do it better.  While I don't make the emotional connections that most teachers make with their students, as I cannot see their faces while I teach, I still have to provide them with the best product for their money.  If my students don't walk out of each class learning at least one new thing, I haven't earned my paycheck.  Each hour I spend with them is an investment both directions:  not only do they want to learn English, but I also want to bring English to these people to better connect with the world.  I'm basically investing hours and hours of labor to better connect the world, serving as a conduit to better understanding.  Balancing this job with my studies can be difficult at times, but the biggest reward (aside from the money) is keeping my Spanish and Portuguese language skills sharp to be able to do research outside the United States.

As I teach and learn at the same time, it eats up a lot of my schedule.  That's where inspiration needs to find its place.  Sure, I can put a lot of my work off to the end of the semester:  however, I made that mistake last semester, and I still haven't forgiven myself for all the stress I went through in the month of April.  I lost a lot of confidence, faith, and trust in myself, and I can't let the distractions of everyday life keep me from the final prize:  an education and a healthy amount of credibility.  Therefore, I turn back to faith, something that sticks with me even when I don't do a good job of sticking with it.  Some verses from Scripture for the day:

Proverbs 18:15 - The heart of the intelligent acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge.

1 Kings 3:5-9 - In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream at night. God said: Whatever you ask I shall give you.  Solomon answered: “You have shown great kindness to your servant, David my father, because he walked before you with fidelity, justice, and an upright heart; and you have continued this great kindness toward him today, giving him a son to sit upon his throne.  Now, LORD, my God, you have made me, your servant, king to succeed David my father; but I am a mere youth, not knowing at all how to act— I, your servant, among the people you have chosen, a people so vast that it cannot be numbered or counted.  Give your servant, therefore, a listening heart to judge your people and to distinguish between good and evil. For who is able to give judgment for this vast people of yours?”

A final thought:  the pursuit of knowledge is a long process, but it should never end at its acquisition.  Knowledge is to be shared, enriching the world to move towards better understanding of their surroundings.  Make yourself into a door that revolves, rather than one that opens and shuts:  always be accepting of new users without continuously moving, being of no value to anyone.  Be a conduit to bring about liberating the world.

Heat

Heat brings us a lot of joy, and yet a lot of trouble.  We appreciate it in the summer time, hate it in the fall, and beg for it during the winter and spring.  We like when the sun accompanies heat, as it motivates us to go outside and do something.  At the same time, too much of it sends us running back to air conditioning before we melt to nothing.

Heat has many different uses in English.  We use it to refer to temperature, but also to stress (i.e. the heat is on, I'm facing a lot of heat right now, etc.).  The beginning of a school semester comes to mind:  all of the stress with buying books and re-orienting ourselves towards studying for class discussions and exams feels a lot like the late August heat that we feel around here.  I look at my current schedule and see a lot of work, between advanced seminars and capstones and a potential internship.  The fun part, however, is that I also see a lot of focus on Latin American topics, something I didn't have much exposure to during my first year of graduate school.  The first week brings a lot of heat to a graduate student attempting to re-adjust from a summer full of hard work, but I'm ready for the challenge.

Heat also finds meaning in intensity.  This meaning is not entirely unrelated to stress, but it certainly discriminates as to which kind of stress qualifies.  We as humans generate a lot of heat through activities in our daily lives:  exercise is not the only means, but we must do it if we wish to stay and shape and (of course!) acclimate to summer's last attempt to raise the thermometer.  Intensity, so long as we are in control of it, translates to a good stress, or a good heat.  I took the chance to weigh myself over the past two Mondays and found that I have lost four pounds in the past week (224 pounds then, 220 now).  Over the next month I would like to raise the intensity of my workouts and lifestyle, pausing between hours of teaching to do push-ups and sit-ups while operating in a non-air-conditioned room.  The goal by the end of next month is to drop another ten pounds and keep it off.

Finally, heat manifests itself in challenge.  The true challenge of heat, whether we think of it in terms of stress or intensity, is that it stands in the way (much like cold) of us living everyday lives.  We must always remember that in spite of the weather of the day or of life, that there is still a humdrum set of tasks that we must finish each day.  Amid the challenge of making myself into something better, I cannot forget to hold onto the things that I have already promised.  The distraction of heat cannot keep me from eating well, from laughing often, nor from praying hard.  In future blog posts, I will talk about how I maintain these things; however, the mention of heat adds a new dimension to the challenge of maintaining good habits.
 

Fight every day through the heat.  Increase the heat of your efforts.  Don't let the heat scare you away from the kitchen.  Don't accept that, for a minute, what you have set out to do isn't something that you couldn't accomplish:  at one point, something inspired you to make the decision to challenge yourself.  Let it be your spark!  For as a spark brings heat, so should your inspiration drive you to finish your task.  Go out and be the spark in your own lives!

The Beginning

“True happiness is the full use of your powers along lines of excellence in a life affording scope.”
-John F. Kennedy

Today I'm looking at a crossroads in my life.  I'm just about to enter the second year of graduate school, and my career prospects are still unknown. I've got a new apartment for the year, but paying rent and bills is going to be a challenge.  Many of my friends are back here with me, but I also have to accept that more of them have moved on after graduating from undergrad.  What should I do, given these circumstances?  I look at myself as a human being, and see a contrast of qualities.  There are many things I like about myself, yet many things that also disappoint me.  My quest this year is to make some changes.

Over the next school year I intend to share with you all a lot of things about myself.  I'm going to show you things that I'm good at, as well as things that I like to do.  I'm also going to share the things that I'm trying to improve upon, paying special attention to getting better at them every day.  On balance, I want this blog to be positive, but there will be rough patches.  I'm going to write about places where I have failed and continue to fail.

There are three main areas that I want to tackle, in terms of personal development:  body, mind and spirit.  The first comes from a desire to get back into shape:  all summer I told myself I was going to do it, and I never really did.  In fact, I think I've gained weight.  During the beginning of this semester, that needs to change.  If I do not find a new diet for myself, not only will I suffer through the late summer heat, but I will be broke from not being able to cook for myself well.  I also promised myself that I would read more books this summer, and I never really did that, either.  All of those free mornings I wasted on the computer, on Skype, on Facebook, etc., kept me from broadening my horizons and thinking about more important things.  I plan to tell you all a lot about books I read.  My spiritual life also needs a tune-up:  although still a churchgoer, I want to get in better touch with God and the world around me.  Therefore, I might write a prayer or two from time to time for a little inspiration.

In the end, I'm going to try to keep these entries short, but ultimately I'm a man of many words, and sometimes you all will either have to put up or shut up.  You'll either love what I have to say or hate it, and I leave it entirely to you all to decide.  I'm going to stop for now, but over the next couple days I will be brewing all sorts of ideas and issue areas to tackle.  Until then, take care, and strive to be better every day!